010 Dianne deserts The Gogs

The Gogs were very reluctant to forgive Dianne for her error over the fish and chips. And so, for many days, the Gogs and their human friend trudged north in silence. Even Megg only spoke to Dianne when it was absolutely necessary. The Gogs filed silently through March, noticed only by a startled fox making his nightly rounds of the rubbish bins. They filed wordlessly past the Barnack Hills, not even acknowledging the greeting calls from these distant relatives. And they filed soundlessly across the Great North Road where they caused absolute havoc among the busy Friday evening traffic. Not that any of the Gogs noticed the honking horns and angry voices. They were feeling far too sorry for themselves.

A fox forages in the dustbins

"My feet hurt. I need to sit down and rest," moaned Ma Gog.

"Your feet can't hurt as much as mine," rejoined Copley. "I've blisters the size of speed bumps," he muttered sullenly to Ma and anyone else who would listen.

As for Bartlow, his complaints were endless. "I'm hungry. When are we going to get some proper food? I've lost so much weight I can barely keep my trousers up. I warned you something like this would happen. Never trust a human being, I said, but would you listen? No, of course, not."

Eventually, Dianne could stand no more. She jumped down from Megg's flank and raced to the front of the line of hills. "I've had enough," she screamed, stamping her feet and shaking her fists at Wormwood's advancing bulk. "How was I supposed to know about the salt? You lot had better stop grumbling and start talking to me again or I warn you . . . I'm leaving. And I'm taking the map and the computer with me."

The hills were aghast. Never before had a human spoken to them like this. Humans were usually deferential towards hills. OK, some of them talked about "bagging" hills--they often wore thick woollen jumpers, big boots, and red socks--but most humans regarded hills as sacred places, even places to be scared of. And now this young female human was daring to tell them what to do!

"Right," said Dianne when none of the hills spoke, "I'm leaving." And with that she grabbed the map and the computer and stomped off into the distance.

The human minutes grew into human hours. The human hours grew into human days. Finally, one and half human weeks later, Wormwood gave himself a shake, Copley stretched his legs, and Ma absentmindedly smoothed down an annoying badger sett that had appeared on her northern slope. "Well, we had better get moving without her then," said Wormwood, as if just a moment had passed, which of course it had for the long-lived hills. "Didn't she say we should head for Sproxton next?"

"I think so," replied Megg dubiously, not at all sure that it was a good idea for the Gogs to try to travel anywhere without Dianne. Megg would certainly have been much happier had she known what had happened to Dianne after her bad-tempered departure.

So what had happened to Dianne? Well, not long after she stomped off, Dianne reached the small town of Sproxton. There, she set about looking for a bus to take her home. But, as luck would have it, the Professor was in Sproxton that day visiting his sister and happened to glance out of a cafe window at the very moment that Dianne passed by. "Where do you think you are going, Ms Planck?" he inquired in his sternest voice. Dianne kept on walking, pretending not to hear the Professor. But she couldn't ignore the hand that he firmly clamped onto her shoulder a few yards further down the road. It took no time at all for the Professor to wheedle the whole sorry story out of the captive Dianne.

"Hmmm," he murmured as she finished her tale. "Well, I certainly don't blame you for leaving them, but you know, we really can't let those great big hills galumph willy nilly around Great Britain. Left alone, they will be a danger to themselves and to any other creature that gets in their way. I think it's time we taught those hills to appreciate your help. My sister will look after you while I go and sort them out." And with that he led Dianne off to his sister's house.

What is the Professor's plan and how will the Gogs react?

Find out in the next episode.

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